SATIRES :: Guenther Rabl

THE NEPHEW-IN-ITSELF

As Marcel Polo discovered Vienna during his famous circumnavigation of the world, he first held it for New York, as is generally known. Herein rests the basis for the constant mix-up of the two cosmopolitan cities. (Even today documentaries about the hard life in New York are filmed, out of an old tradition, in Viennese concert house canteens).
It was Marcel Polo’s first and last journey. He fell in love with an Indian princess, Poldi Honcak, who operated a wine house in Grinzing and remained for the rest of his life in Vienna. He became an intimate connoisseur of wine house music and also occasionally played oboe himself.
In this new stage of his life, Marcel encountered a prominent figure of the Viennese demimonde, who, through the centuries, reappeared in new incarnations: the nephew-in-itself and his friends. They immediately recognized their spiritual kinship and began a fruitful cooperation in which they organized and held many wine house music events (then at that time there was no other type of culture in Vienna yet).
We are indebted to the carefully kept diary entries of Marcel for the realization of this phenomenon, which the philosopher Johann Christopf Raabl (one of Immanuel Kant’s favourite pupils) refers to in his script ‘The Phenomenology of the Nephew-in-Itself.’ Faithful to the world view of his teacher, the philosopher developed the theory that the nephew-in-itself is a type of node in the intersection of three valid a priori dimensions of reality: space, time and money. Although not demonstrably involved in the dimensions – briefly said – everything that wants to move in such a constituted reality has to pass through him.
In his phenomenology, Johann Christopf Raabl differentiated between several basic types, of which we will only mention the most important:
The nephew-in-itself – Incarnation model ‘classic’
Broadly-built to misshapen, constantly wearing a secretive smile that only briefly gives way to a completely flabbergasted expression in rare moments.
The nephew-in-itself – Incarnation model ‘aristo’
Larger-than-life, but almost frighteningly thin; with a fondness for checkered clothing, occasionally also dressed in a bat jacket trimmed with black fur (regardless of the weather).
The nephew-in-itself – incarnation model ‘modern’
Small and wiry, perpetually gloomy, rarely smiles, but when, then only smugly. Likes to dress in leather and wears dark sunglasses, even during a new moon.
The nephew-in-itself – Incarnation model ‘luxus’
Similar to the model ‘aristo’ in several details and to the model ‘modern’ in others, and is therefore held by some authors to be merely a bastardised intermediary form.
There is said to be a female counterpart of the nephew-in-itself as well, but research on it still lies very much in the dark.
The nephew-in-itself has no development and no history. Suddenly he is there as if he had always existed: as a company boss, as an art curator, as a museum director, as an editor, as a minister, as an opera director, as a festival director. In his unpredictability he somewhat resembles the inn ‘To the Last Lantern.’ As opposed to this inn, he does not disappear again the following morning, but rather stays so long until he is replaced by his subsequent incarnation. And that can take a long time.

© Günther Rabl 2005
translated by Brian Dorsey
This text is understood as a literary work of art.
Quoting in context with a reference to the source is allowed until otherwise revoked.