SATIRES :: Guenther Rabl

The Klimt Affair

Whoever thought the Klimt affair would find an end after the definitive transfer of his paintings to their legitimate owners was taught a lesson. In expert circles it has long been known that Gustav Klimt naturally constructed such kitschy monstrosities for no other reason than the fact that he exactly knew they would find favour with the wealthy art lovers of his time (whose taste then was by no means better than today’s) and would be purchased. Deep in his heart he was a glowing advocate of Art Brut and Dadaism. His intensive correspondence (only written in vowels!) with artists like Sergei Malakov or Kurt Schwitters alone proves this.
In this spirit, he created numerous paintings and sculptures that are today to be found scattered in the private collections of true art connoisseurs or are awaiting their discovery in some unknown cellar or garbage dump somewhere, like, for example, the sculpture pictured below, which has only recently been found by a collector:

Here we are dealing with a motorcycle that was artfully inserted into the trunk of an elm tree – strictly speaking, the first two-wheeler, a predecessor of today’s mopeds (still with rear-wheel steering!), constructed by Tarquinius Zim (1910). As is commonly known, Klimt was an enthusiastic motorcyclist. After a crash, however, his passion faded once and for all. He then leaned the lightly-damaged vehicle against a young elm in his garden in Strebersdorf. In this manner he left it leaning untouched for over fifteen years. It wasn’t until it had completely grown into the tree that he allowed the then-finished sculpture to be cut out and hung up in his studio.
On August 3, 1926 he dedicated the new sculpture with a festival for a close circle of friends. During the course of this merry revelry, the guests danced hand-in-hand around the admired work of art while music from Luigi Russolo was playing on the gramophone (Peter Altenberg later gave an account of it).

Gustav Klimt hanging up the sculpture in 1926

It is only thanks to the ignorance of art thieves (who allowed themselves to be influenced by a golden salt dispenser) that at least several of these valuable works are still preserved today. It is a disgrace that our museums haven’t showed the slightest attention to these treasures that are lying unprotected in the open and are accessible to anyone! A letter concerning this matter was written by the organization ‘The Other Klimt’ to Culture Minister Mrs. Gehrer. A reply is still outstanding.

From an APA dispatch (art, poor art)

© Günther Rabl 2006
translated by Brian Dorsey
This text is understood as a literary work of art.
Quoting in context with a reference to the source is allowed until otherwise revoked.